How to motivate and get better results – Satire
From my point of view – Motivational Bull Dust Will Not Get Better Results
But what do I know?
Motivational Bull Dust works every time – Ha Ha Ha
Time to get on the Soap Box for the 10 minute tirade.
I work in Engineering and Manufacturing – have done for years – we design, make, install, fix, improve and do a flipping (work it out for yourself ) good job, even if I do say so myself.
Every now and again It comes around and it’s the now – “Now” . Some over paid bright spark in Head Office decides that we need to spend mega bucks on a flash motivational speaker/presentation type rev up.
A complete waste of time, energy and hard earned cash. Smart suits, power dressing, slick presentations and all of the bull dust buzz words, tricks and anecdotes. I really don’t have time for this sort of garbage – I’ve got work to do.
In The Real World
These guys have never done a “real” days work in their lives, wouldn’t know the meaning of the word stress and they want to teach ME about motivation. I could go on and on and on…….But enough is enough.
Let me tell you this –
When the main line is down – production has stopped and it’s a critical rush order, I’m the guy who has to come up with answers.
I know the problem – I’ve been telling management for a long time – But they have continued to ignore me and run the line.
But now it’s broken down again – when we are all under pressure and I can’t take it offline to fix it – So It’s got to be another patch up job to get it through to the next scheduled outage (whenever that might be). The Production Manager’s pacing up and down with a sour look on his face, continually cursing under his breath and continually asking “When will it be back on line, cos we’ve got orders to fill”, between hard stares at his watch.
The Engineering Director is watching every move plus giving me stupid suggestions and the tradesmen don’t really want to be there because it’s past their finishing time and they know the ongoing issues which have not been fixed. And the operators are stood watching and continually saying – “we kept telling management there’s a problem with this line and it needs fixing”
Now That’s What I Call Motivation !!!
Also……
And another thing before I finish………
A huge percentage of goods being designed and manufactured worldwide are coming out of the new economies
such as China, India, Japan, South East Asia, South America etc.etc. and we are struggling to get work into our factories.
Let me ask you a question – Do those guys over there get continually bombarded with Motivational Speakers and Paraphernalia.
I doubt it very much. I would guess that they just get on with the job.
If you think that you need any of this Motivational stuff, go down to the bargain basement section of your local bookstore
or the local car boot sale – there will be plenty of books claiming to have all of the answers to making a million dollars
through Motivation – Take your pick
I’m off the soapbox now – I need to go and do some real work, Like working out how to fix that machine
Or my ass will be nailed to the wall. That’s my Motivation.
Not Only – But Also …..
When there is a need to take a deep breath and take a break
Looking for “A Better Way” – Go to – Engineering the 3R Way for an overview of the 3R PhilosophyReview – Refresh – Reset and link to the full list of topics
Then Take A Break – With the List Of Pages – Engineering Nostalgia for pages of Old Engineer Memories from Engineering practice in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s – with a bit of armed forces and medieval trivia thrown in
Check out more Engineering Odd Bits for odd subject matter – including humor and comment
Hi, Slide is the name, Slide Rule that is. For years I was the biggest thing in the world of Engineering, Science and Commerce,
Hey, there was hardly a calculation done which didn’t involve me, the Slide Rule. I was the King. I’d been around for hundreds of years and I RULED (excuse the pun). My powers are based on a clever logarithmic scale and it was all me, Multiplication, Division, Involution, Evolution, Trig Functions, Logs, I did it all and I was loved by all.
Then one day a few years ago, it all started to change. Along came a cute little number called Cal – Cal Culator to be precise. Sure she was a bit bulky, not as good looking as me and her batteries were prone to failure, but she had a big advantages over me. She was deadly accurate, fast and so easy to use, time after time after time and anyone could use her. No special skill was needed.
I’m sure that people really loved me, but I could never compete with that accuracy, speed and simplicity. I could get close, but my users still had to use mental arithmetic and a degree of approximation.
Cal however, she was just spot on every time and oh so quick and easy.
Then….As time went by….. she got lighter and shapelier and more colorful with more and more features and functions. She was cheaper to buy and her batteries began to just last and last a long, long time.
Man…. I was gone, I tried to fight back but I had nothing and I’ve been out to pasture for quite a few years now, slowly sinking into the sunset.
But those clever guys on the internet have come up with a way to keep the legend alive and have immortalized me with my own web page on numerous web sites which feature an interactive display, where you can go and use me, the way I was designed to be used.
So the legend lives on. If you’re an old timer and can still remember how to do it, a young timer who is keen to learn or just have an interest, click onto the links below and go have a look and a play. The instructions are simple, so give it a try.
When there is a need to take a deep breath and take a break
Looking for “A Better Way” – Go to – Engineering the 3R Way for an overview of the 3R PhilosophyReview – Refresh – Reset and link to the full list of topics
Then Take A Break – With the List Of Pages – Engineering Nostalgia for pages of Old Engineer Memories from Engineering practice in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s – with a bit of armed forces and medieval trivia thrown in
Or check out Engineering Odd Bits for more odd subject matter – including humor and comment
How to describe an Engineer – Is a good question – I wish that I had a good answer – Maybe a quick snapshot of the images shown below could be a starting point. The important factor to keep in mind is that regardless of what happens in your world – Don’t loose your sense of humor.
There are many ways describe an Engineer
Not Only – But Also …..
When there is a need to take a deep breath and take a break
Looking for “A Better Way” – Go to – Engineering the 3R Way for an overview of the 3R PhilosophyReview – Refresh – Reset and link to the full list of topics
Then Take A Break – With the List Of Pages – Engineering Nostalgia for pages of Old Engineer Memories from Engineering practice in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s – with a bit of armed forces and medieval trivia thrown in
Check out more Engineering Odd Bits for odd subject matter – including humor and comment
The Coffee Break Engineering Trivia Quiz – No.1026 is a challenging selection of General Engineering Trivia questions and answers - sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know, but you’re sure that you did know or that you should know and when you see the answers you know that once upon a time you probably did know !
Challenge your colleagues – can they answer more than you ?
Go to – Engineering the 3R Way for an overview of the 3R Philosophy and link to the full list of topics
Then Take A Break
With the List Of Pages – Engineering Nostalgia for pages of Old Engineer Memories from Engineering practice in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s – with a bit of armed forces and medieval trivia thrown in
Or check out Engineering Odd Bits for odd subject matter – including humor and comment
A natural light display in the sky, in the high latitude Arctic and Antarctic regions, caused by the collision of energetic charged particles with atoms in the high altitude atmosphere is called an…
Genealogy is the science comprising the study of solid Earth , the rocks of which it is composed, and the processes by which it evolves - True or False
Genealogy is the study of families and the tracing of their lineages and history - Geology is the study of solid earth
The word "Permeable" describes a material through which substances, such as liquids or gases, cannot pass - True or False
Kiwi Dave: Simple Engineering Memories: The Best Of Times
Overview
Kiwi Dave wanted to be an apprentice at Rolls Royce. But the Engineering world was very different in those days
Kiwi Dave: Simple Engineering Memories: The Best Of Times – A few years ago I worked with an English guy who had migrated to New Zealand many, many years ago. Let’s call him Kiwi Dave.
One day over morning tea, we got talking about “The Good Old Days” of Engineering and he told me a bit about his early days.
In his words …….
It was 1957 when I entered the Shipyard as a young Engineer. Fresh from school, enthusiastic and full of dreams. I would have been working at Rolls Royce, but in those days, the apprentice paid the company for the privilege of being taught and that sum of money was way beyond my fathers means. So there I was – In the shipyard – and a few memories immediately come to mind
I can remember that the Workshop foremen wore a bowler hat, and 3 piece suit to work , complete with fob watch – such was his esteem and authority in the workplace
In the Good Old Days of Engineering – The Foreman ruled the roost and dressed accordingly
I can remember fitters and machinists wearing starched collars and ties to work and their laborers cleaning and preparing the jobs for them to work on
I can remember being taught the art of drawing with ink on linen
I can remember spending hours practicing hand printing skills on a drawing board and my printing is still pretty good
I can remember the Chief Draughtsman would come around and measure the thickness of our lines using a feeler gauge. Such was the attention to detail. At the time, I hated him with a vengeance because if it was the wrong thickness – it was erase and start again.
I can remember an enormous machine shop with every machine being driven by belts from a central shaft arrangement. Quite an imposing sight
A typical workshop with Belt Driven Machinery
I can remember that as indentured apprentices, we could never addressed our journeyman by first name – it was always Mr. or it was the wroth of his tongue followed by a swift clip across the back of the head
Try telling that to the young Engineers today and they would never believe you !!! The Good Old Days – Happy days indeed – Very character forming
Not Only – But Also…..
When there is a need to take a deep breath and take a break
Regardless of your current status – always ask the question – Is there a Better Way and
visit the 3R web page for an overview of the 3R PhilosophyReview – Refresh – Reset
Old Engineer Memories – Number 8: Simple And The Best
Can you remember being a young Engineer many years ago and listening to the old Engineers talk about how things have changed over the years? Old Engineer Memories – Number 8: Simple And The Best takes you on a journey back to Engineering in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s
And now it’s your turn to look back on your Memories.
If you are a younger Engineer wondering what things were like – all those years ago – Ask one of the older guys to explain.
You Know That You Are An Old Engineer …..
When you can remember that gloves were for wimps – guys on the shop floor had gnarly battered hands.
When you can remember that hearing protection was for wimps – which is why all of your buddies now have hearing problems – errrrrr – what did you say ?
When you can remember that all of the guys in the workshop who operated the big guillotine which cut the steel plate, all had fingers or thumbs missing from their hands – it was part of the job – this was before guarding and safety came into vogue
When you can remember that bumper bars/fenders on automobiles were practical bump bars, designed to protect the vehicle when it hit a solid object – not like today’s excuses – were a slight bump can be a major rebuild of the vehicle.
Engineering Memories – Printer With Tractor Feed
When you can remember tractor feed printers were attached to the computer system and they would churn through mountains of paper for even the most minor data to be printed – if the tractor mechanism didn’t foul up.
When you can remember getting lectured on Japanese manufacturing methodology and why they were taking over the world and local industry was closing down – yeah, yeah, yeah – Kan Ban – 5S – JIT – SMED – what is this gobbledygook?
When you can remember that companies ran on mainframe computers with slave modules at each desk.
When you can remember the 286 computer was state of the art and the experts said they would never replace the mainframe computers. And you still have irreplaceable data on 5 1/4 ” floppy discs – Tho’ you will never be able to read them. And you can’t remember exactly what it is – but you know that it is very important.
When you can remember all welding was stick welding – whats with this tig and mig stuff.
Cutting Metal The Old Way
When you can remember that steel was cut by hand, with a hacksaw and cleaned up with a file– not an angle grinder.
Not Only – But Also….
When there is a need to take a deep breath and take a break
Regardless of your current status – always ask the question – Is there a Better Way and
visit the 3R web page for an overview of the 3R Philosophy Review – Refresh – Reset
A short overview, to remember the people beavering away in the background.
They never get the glory, but when “push comes to shove” the ” Newspapers Heroes” (and by no means do I intend to denigrate them or their achievements) ride on the back of the Armed Forces Engineers.- The Unsung Heroes.
War rapidly accelerates the need for innovation in all areas and WW1/WW2 was probably a landmark in this aspect. On land, on the sea and in the air, Engineers were striving to produce improvements and technological breakthrough’s such as ….
The First Tank
On Land
Tanks were developed and first used in battle at Flers-Courcelette (part of the Battle of the Somme) on 15 September 1916. Whilst the first tanks were notoriously unreliable, they demonstrated an ability to break the deadlock of trench warfare and laid the groundwork for the engineering marvels which would be developed in later years.
Armed Forces In The Air
In the Air
The first time mechanical military aircraft were used in anger. Whilst Balloons, Blimps, Zeppelins and Dirigibles were were initially used for a variety of tasks, military aircraft made rapid developments.
Armed Forces At Sea
At Sea
Navel Ships – The allies had traditionally relied on large surface craft such as Battleships to dominate the seaways, but these were no match for the stealthy German U-Boats. Many ships were sunk before strategy and engineering was able to fight the U-Boat threat.
This was achieved by advances in early sonar technology, increased use of aircraft to locate and track the U-Boats and by grouping large numbers of ships together in a defensive convoy as well as the development of the depth charge.
Ancillary to – but equally as critical……
There is a need for whole raft of work to happen, including:
Armaments, Weapons, Defense, Sanitation, Food, Communications, Bridges, Roads, Buildings – to name but a few
Regardless of your current status – always ask the question – Is there a Better Way and
visit the 3R web page for an overview of the 3R Philosophy Review – Refresh – Reset
Old Engineer Memories – Number 7: Simple And The Best
Can you remember being a young Engineer many years ago and listening to the old Engineers talk about how things have changed over the years? Old Engineer Memories – Number 7: Simple And The Best takes you on a journey back to Engineering in the 1960’s/70’s/80’s
And now it’s your turn to look back on your Memories.
If you are a younger Engineer wondering what things were like – all those years ago – Ask one of the older guys to explain.
When you can remember the room of clerks with flying fingers tapping away on the “adding machines with handles”.
When you can remember your first encounter with the Union rep. You were keen, eager and enthusiastic on your first project. The Union rep was the sour faced old guy who had been around forever and seen it all – including plenty of young engineers just like you and he saw it as his job to “put you in your place” – so that you knew who really ran the job. It was a test of wills, which got the heart pumping. But when you stood your ground – you knew that you had passed your first real test.
When you can remember that a Gay guy was a happy person and that Dykes were barriers built by the Dutch to keep the ocean at bay.
When you can remember that your first thought train for the design of control and feedback of machinery was by levers and cables.
When you can remember Pneumatic Logic being the height of machine control and intelligence – way before plc’s took over.
Regardless of your current status – always ask the question – Is there a Better Way and
visit the 3R web page for an overview of the 3R PhilosophyReview – Refresh – Reset
